Subject: Claudia's self-introduction to Professor Blackstone
Dear Professor Blackstone,
Dear Professor Blackstone,
I am Claudia, a student in your effective communication class. I am writing this e-mail to introduce myself.
I graduated from
Ngee Ann Polytechnic in 2015 with a diploma in clean energy management. After
which, I worked as a programmer at an international satellite imagery company. The reason why I chose to work
first rather than to pursue a degree immediately was that at that point of time,
I was uncertain of my direction in life. I knew the last thing I wanted was to
waste my time, money and effort to pursue a degree which I will regret years
later. Hence, I took my gap years venturing into the engineering industry while
contemplating my life's major decision - the next step. Eventually, I came to a
conclusion and decided to pursue a degree in the Sustainable Infrastructure
Engineering (Building Services) program offered by SIT.
I personally enjoy writing as
it helps me to visualize my thoughts and I have a habit of keeping a journal.
Hence, in terms of communication strength, I would say it is in writing. I also
gained a fair bit of experience working as a freelance article writer which had certainly honed my creative writing
skills. However, as I am more
used to seeing the sentence rather than speaking aloud, I am weak in my speech. I struggle with expressing myself
well in front of others and will often need to depend on visual aids such as
drawings or hand gestures to convey my message across accurately.
Therefore, my goals
for this module are to see improvements in my communication skills by being able to express myself clearly without any aids and also, to be a more confident presenter in front of a group of
audience. I really wish to become a more eloquent speaker and writer and all the more when communication skills are so important. With effective communication, we can minimize conflicts and misunderstandings which will eventually lead to a more peaceful, harmonious and efficient working environment.
I genuinely look
forward to learning from you.
Yours Sincerely,
Claudia
SIE2016 Group 5
Edited on:
12.09.17
14.09.17
18.09.17
22.09.17
29.09.17
18.09.17
22.09.17
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Read &
Commented on:
Xue Le
Nee Kong
Jie Ming
Cheron (read only)
Glenna
Cheron (read only)
Glenna
Wow you must have quite some programming knowledge, having worked in an international company as a programmer.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the Grammar Nazi in me cries out:
unedited: "My goals for this module is to ... and to ..."
edited: " My goals for this module are to ... and to ...
The word 'goals' is in the plural form (you have 2 goals in your statement), therefore you need to use 'are' instead of 'is'.
Hi Keric! Haha but not in C programming language ):
DeleteYou are right about the grammar mistake. Thank You for pointing it out to me (:
See you around in class!
That's quite interesting about your work before you pursue a degree in SIT. By stating strengths and weaknesses will let audience know more about you. I also face challenges in give presentation also. Sometimes I get nervous and forgot the things I wanted to say.
ReplyDeleteHello there! Sorry about the late reply ><
DeleteYeah we face the same problem.. but I'm sure after this Eff Comm module, our presentation skills will be honed as there are so many practice opportunities ^^
Thanks for commenting btw :D
Hi Claudia! :D
ReplyDeleteIt was interesting to find out that you went against the norm and took a gap year to find out what really interests you, unlike me. HAHA.
Below are two mistakes which I found:
Paragraph 2 line 3: If I'm not wrong, when you use a verb without -ing (ie work), your following verb should also not contain -ing (ie pursuing --> pursue).
Paragraph 3 line 2: I believe you have made a typo error for the word 'communicate'.
I had a fun time reading your blog. Hope to get to know you better in Prof Blackstone's class!
Hi Glenna! :D
DeleteThanks for pointing out my mistakes! It was a great help ^^
I also hope to get to know you better in class! (:
Hello Claudia!
ReplyDeleteYou did a good job in writing this piece of work. I totally understood how you felt because I was in the same thought as you were back in 2015. Thankfully, national service gave me the time to sort out what i truly wanted to do. Now you will not have any regrets, just move on and don't look back because after-all, we can't turn back time! Be more confident in yourself. You can do it!
I guess most of the problem I found was already identified by the rest of our class mates.
Hello Nee Kong! Sorry for the late reply ><
DeleteThank You! Your comments are very encouraging :D
You are an awesome group mate and I hope to work again with you (:
Dear Claudia,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this very well developed formal letter. I appreciate how you paint a vivid picture of your background. In particular, you explain how you delayed your uni studies so as to be more sure of your career choice. What a wise approach!
You also do a fine job of describing what you see as your communication strength and a weakness and you tie these to your goals.
In terms of language use, this is a fluent post with just a few points to consider:
1) I am Claudia, a student in your Effective Communication class. I am writing this e-mail to introduce to you about myself so that you could know me better. >>> (toward more conciseness)
I am Claudia, a student in your effective communication class. I am writing this e-mail to introduce myself.
2) After which, I worked at an international satellite imagery company as a programmer. >>> (sentence structure) ?
3) a degree in which I will regret years later. >>> (wrong sentence structure) a degree WHICH I will regret years later.
4) I struggle ... and would often need to depend ... >>> (verb tense consistency) ?
None of this should eclipse the fine job you've done in this letter. I look forward to reading more of your writing.
Brad
Dear Brad,
DeleteSincere apologies for the late reply & Thank You for your kind guidance! I have made the necessary edits. Looking forward to learning more from you Brad! :D
Claudia